wrote it at 2am but just posting it cause ... XD

 

You ever look at someone and think,

“Wow... I really didn’t plan for you, but now I can’t imagine doing life without you?”

Yeah. That.

I didn’t mean to get attached. Didn’t think I had room for new people — not after everything. Not after him. You know, the one I thought was going to be forever, until forever turned into a bunch of jagged pieces I didn’t know how to carry.

Grief makes everything colder. Quieter. It turns you into someone who flinches at love and hides behind “I’m fine” like it’s a personality trait. I stopped expecting people to stay. Started assuming even the kindest ones would get tired of me eventually.

And then... someone didn’t leave.

He didn’t make some grand entrance. No dramatic “I’m here for you” moment. He just kept showing up. Over and over. With dry humor, terrible timing, and this lowkey annoying ability to know when I’m lying about being okay.

Like bro, let me spiral in peace??

But also... thank you.

Because even when I was pushing people away, even when I was sad in that weird quiet way where nothing helps, he stayed. And not in a “let me fix you” kind of way. He didn’t try to force sunshine into a storm. He just sat with me in it.

That’s rare. That’s sacred.

I kept spamming him with BTS gifs — as one does — because emotional expression is hard but Jungkook’s face is not. And he tolerated it. Barely. (I saw the sighs, sir. I KNOW.) I’d be crying one second and the next I’d be like:
“Anyway, here’s Yoongi looking disgusted. Mood.”

And somehow, he got it. He didn’t always respond with full paragraphs. Sometimes he didn’t respond at all. But the thing is — he stayed in the conversation, in the chaos, in my life. And that was enough. More than enough.

He made me feel like being “too much” was never actually too much.

And somewhere along the way, he started opening up too.

Not all at once. Not in big, dramatic confessions. But in small, sacred ways. The kind of truths you only share when you trust someone with the most fragile parts of yourself. His scars, his regrets, the fears he thought he had buried deep. He handed me pieces of his past, and I held them like promises.

God, that meant everything.

And I mean it. Through it all. The good days, the gray days, the “what even is life” days. I'm not going anywhere. Because he showed me what it looks like to stay, and I’ve never forgotten how that felt.

And you know what’s wild? He’s hilarious. Like I’ll be crying, literally tearing up, and suddenly he’s just:
“What do you think about p*rn though?”
Sir. I am in crisis.

But also: why did that lowkey help?? 😭

It’s stupid. And perfect. Because it reminds me that healing doesn’t have to be poetic. It can be ugly crying in sweatpants while someone makes stupid jokes just to keep you grounded.

There’s a BTS lyric that always hits me in the chest when I think of him:
“You’re my best friend for the rest of my life.”

Maybe he doesn’t know how much I mean that. Maybe I’ve never said it directly — too scared, too unsure. But I think he feels it. In all the weirdness. In all the silent support. In the way I’ll drop everything just to remind him he’s not alone.

Because he’s not.

I promised I’d stay — and I meant it. Through the deep talks, the random breakdowns, the bad Wi-Fi calls, and the memes we absolutely should not laugh at but do anyway.

And that’s the thing — this isn’t the kind of love that shouts. It doesn’t come wrapped in fireworks. It’s quiet. Steady. The kind of love that stays up with you on your worst night and says, “You don’t have to be okay right now. I’m not leaving.”

It’s the kind of love that doesn't always need to be said to be felt.
But tonight, I’m saying it anyway. In this messy blog post. In the space between sentences. In the ache behind my gratitude

You’re gold, even when the world is cold.
You’re warmth I didn’t expect.
You’re comfort in the chaos.
And yeah... maybe I care for you more than I let on.

But I hope you already knew that. (Still not a confession 'cause I make it real and beautiful but for now)

That I Love You.

P.S. 

NOW.... if you roast me for getting sappy or emotional, I'LL CRY ON PURPOSE and make it your problem i.e. I won't stop until I get a hug.