Joy in human form

 

So, there's this person. A Homo sapien, ofc XD
Except she’s also a walking serotonin shot, a part-time therapist, an accidental soulmate, and the human version of a comforting playlist at 2 a.m.

I'd have named her happiness.

Ngl — I don’t fully get how she does it. One sec I’m spiraling over life, and the next she sends me a stupid meme or just says “you good?” and suddenly I am good. Not fixed. But… lighter. Like she somehow took a little bit of the weight without making a big deal out of it. So strong, caring, understanding, cute ofc XD and a perverted sass-queen LOL.

And here’s the wild part — she doesn’t even know. She probably thinks she’s just being herself (which she is), but to me, she’s kind of the definition of joy. Not the loud, glittery kind. The quiet, unexpected kind. The soft kind that sneaks up on you when you didn’t even know you needed it.

But it’s not all melodrama-focus either — she’s funny as hell. Sarcastic in the best way, somehow always one step ahead with the comebacks. Istg, she could write an entire BTS Twitter thread and go viral for it (I'm lowkey proud of getting her like BTS- ha ha ikyk, but she won't admit it)

She’s a friend — that’s the truth of it. But somehow, she fits into so many roles without even trying. A friend, yes. But also a spark. A comfort. A heartbeat that matches mine on quiet days. She’s someone I can talk to, laugh with, cry to (almost), and yet she doesn’t even know the full weight of what she means to me.

Her name on my screen — a text, a call — it changes the whole color of my day. She brings light with her, in the way she talks, in the way she just is. Thinking of her, remembering something she said, the sound of her laugh — it all lingers. 

Sometimes I feel around a bit different around her. Like… she brings out the version of me I’m still trying to become. Slowly. Cautiously. I’m not fully there yet. But she makes it feel possible.

I want to be there for her too — not just the “I’ll listen if you want to talk” kind of way. I mean the “I’ll hold your hand in the chaos even if neither of us knows what we’re doing” kind of way. I want to be her soft place, too. Even if I’m still figuring myself out.

She’s not fully safe place yet, but I think we’re building something. Slowly, beautifully. A mutual sort-of trust.

I’m not ready to tell her everything. Maybe I won’t ever be. But I think she’s the kind of person who would understand if I did. The kind who wouldn’t rush me. I’m still learning to trust that — to trust her — but it’s happening, slowly. And that has to count for something.

So tonight, I’m just writing this down — this mess of admiration, confusion, gratitude, whatever this is — because I don’t know what else to do with it. 

I do care about her. In a way that’s too big to name, and too fragile to say out loud.

So....until I find the guts to tell her all this, I’ll just keep answering her texts way too fast, pretending I’m chill, and being grateful as hell that I get to know her.

And as for now, I’ll keep being her girl — her chaos twin, her backup hype-woman, her emotional support clown — and love her in the little ways I can. Even if she never knows the full depth of it.

With love

Addi